Ghost of Christmas Past

This is the first time in a few years that I am actually excited for Christmas.  Ever since my parents divorce, this time of the year has gotten me really depressed.  I can't help reliving the first Christmas that my family didn't celebrate together.  It was Christmas Eve, my brothers and I were gathered in the living room waiting to open our gifts and give our parents the gifts we had bought them, just as we had done for years.  This time however, my dad chose to stay in his room away from the celebration.  When I gave him his gift, I remember seeing how crushed he looked.  At that moment, I realized that it really was over for my parents relationship.   Soon after, the divorce proceedings went underway and they separated.  

The holidays just haven't been the same ever since.  There's no tree, no lights, no decorations at all at the house anymore.  My brothers and I are now stuck driving ourselves between the two sides of the family, trying to make sure we spend an even amount of time at both parties.  What used to be a happy family gathering turned to a mindless routine.  The conversations are always the same: 

"How are you doing?"

"Good."

"How's your mom/dad?"

"Good."

"Well tell them we said 'hi'."

"I will."

Today was different, though.  I took a walk down to the store and all the Christmas stuff that was out actually cheered me up.  I even found myself singing along to some of the Christmas carols being played over the speakers.  Even though I have absolutely no money nor do I have someone to be with for the first time in a few years, I can't wait for Christmas to come this year.  Maybe nothing's changed and this Christmas will end up feeling the same as the past few, but I'm going to stay hopeful.